Home is Where the Hearth Is

Good evening, gentle readers!
I'm sorry that I've been missing in action the last week or so, but I've been taking care of certain domestic issues.
Namely, I've been painting my living room.
When I moved into my townhouse a few months back, I liked most of the rooms except the living room. Why? Because it was painted a godawful shade of brown that just sucked all the life and energy right out of the place.
See?

I was determined at some point to fix that problem, but I haven't been able to get to it until lately. So, for the last week or so, as time permits, I've been prepping the living room walls and deciding on paint colors.
I decided on a nice apple mint green for the wall behind the fire place and a peach-like color called - I kid you not! - shrimp ice for the other three walls.  I finished painting the walls today, and decided that even though I love my wall colors, they make the room feel a little too relaxed.
So, I painted my fireplace.
Voila!

So, now you know why I've been a bit absent lately.  Hope no one was worrying and 'Hello!' to all the folks in China checking out the blog.  I hope you find it entertaining.
What's next?
Hopefully back to the writing!

Adventures in Latex!

Hello, gentle readers!
I'm surprised I'm actually doing a blog as today has been a bit of a bear.
First, I woke up super-early to let in my contractor.  He was here for most of the morning, then left around noon, after doing some minor repairs to my kitchen counter tops and installing my cabinet doors in the master bedroom.  So, now my house is about 99.9% finished! Yay! Now if I can just get the final piece for my sink, we'll be done! Yay!
Or, at least, I'll be done with these contractors.
Because today, after my guy left, I climbed in my car and, on a whim, stopped at the Goodwill to see if they had any sheets. They did. I bought two, deciding I would use them as drop cloths when I started painting my living room.
And then, on the spur of the moment, I went to Lowes and bought a gallon of primer and a paint roller, came home and started working on my living room wall.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, I am not particularly mechanical.  And by that, I mean that if you put a tool in my hand, I'm going to do something awful with it. Usually to whatever I'm working on or, in rare instances to myself or someone around me. (For God's sake! Don't let me near a nail gun!)
So, as I started painting, I was waiting for something to happen.
And it did.
About twenty minutes into my painting, I knocked over my can of paint. Thankfully, it poured mostly onto my foot and my drop clothes.  My carpet was untouched.
So, after smearing some latex from my foot on the wall, and cleaning up as best I could, I went back to work. Amazingly, I had enough paint left to give the wall one crappy-looking coat.
But, hey! It looks better than the ugly brown color the previous tenants liked.
I'm planning on doing the rest of the living room this month and maybe even painting it. Or, more likely, finding someone cheap to do the painting for me.
In any event, my little adventure in latex was not the disaster I had thought it would be.  Even if I did just spend thirty minutes in the tub scrubbing paint off my foot.
What next?
A glass of wine! :D

Movies That Never Were

Good morning, gentle readers.

Creativity sometimes takes us down peculiar paths.  Occasionally, it inspires us to create things that are just  . . .  odd.

So, with that in mind, I now present, for your entertainment, a selection of movies that never were.  

It should go without saying that the various properties presented belong entirely to their respective owners and that these images are created simply for fun.

(Fiction) After Hours at the Red Dragon

"Genies are a fucking pain in the ass," said Krosp.

It was after-hours and Krosp and I were unwinding in the Red Dragon. Nursing strong drinks, we compared and commiserated on what a load of crap the day had been.

"You tell ‘em they have to wear a mana-inhibitor and they start making a big scene about racial profiling and shit," clarified Krosp. "I had to call Security twice because of those bastards. I never understood why they wanted to immigrate anyway."

"Have you seen the Middle East lately? It’s not exactly welcoming to the magically inclined, Krosp."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

"Besides, I’d rather deal with genies than fucking werewolves any day of the month."

"Bad one today?"

"Super-bad. Not only did he have stinky dog breath he drooled all over my desk. I went through a whole roll of paper towels trying to clean that yuck up and then Simmons gets on my ass about slowing down the line."

"That bitch," said Krosp. "You know the only reason they gave her the job is because they needed to fill the department’s diversity quota."

"Yeah, I know that and you know that and even Simmons knows it. Why do you think she’s such a bitch to everyone?"

"I heard someone’s already filed a complaint about her with Personnel."

"That was quick."

"Yeah. And restrained. I always thought someone would just hex her and get it over with."

"Ha! Who says they haven’t? You know she has to sit on one of those inflatable donuts."

"Really?" Krosp’s bushy eyebrows rose in surprise. "You think someone’s zapped her?"

I nodded. "That’s the rumor. That someone’s given her a raging case of hemorrhoids."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, well, I can’t feel too much sympathy for her. She brings it on herself."

"Whatever," murmured Krosp. He took a long pull from his beer. "Hey! Did I tell you about my weirdo?"

"No, I don’t think so."

"Guy comes into my cube, sits down and hands me his paperwork. Everything’s in order, but he doesn’t have a disclosure form. So, I tell him he needs to fill one out before we can continue and, guess what?"

"What?"

"Guy doesn’t need a disclosure form. He’s totally human."

"Bullshit."

"No, man! I kid you not! He was a flat zero on the Thaumatic Scale. I checked."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Why would a zero want to immigrate?"

"Religious persecution," said Krosp.

"Bummer."

"Yeah. Plus, he’s Canadian."

"What’s that got to do with anything?"

Krosp just gave me a look. "If you’d ever been to Canada, you wouldn’t have to ask."

Oh Fuck It

Ladies and gentlemen, today has been a balls' up kind of day.

It started well enough. I got up and went to the bank, deposited a check and then stopped by the grocery store to use their Coin Star machine. (I love the Coin Star machine!).  

It seemed like a good day. The people at the bank were very pleasant. The Coin Star machine worked superbly and only refused to take two pennies.  

Then, considering the future of my townhouse, I went by the Other Bank to discuss some financial matters. And that's where the day started to get shitty.

I blame it entirely on the Other Bank, which seemed determined to sell me things that I wasn't really interested in, and weren't very helpful at all with the matter that I went there to discuss with them.

It put me in a right funk.

Then I learned that, because of some kind of shenanigans, a paycheck I'd deposited last week hadn't gone through. The details remain vague, but I was told the bank could resubmit the check and it would go through no problem.  All well and good, but on top of my experience at the Other Bank, a bit more irritating than it should have been.

So, after spending half the day dealing with financial nonsense, I decided to treat myself.  I would go and see The Grand Budapest Hotel at the movies.  It looked amusing, in the trailers, and, by that point, I could have used a good laugh.

Alas, although the movie was interesting, it wasn't really funny.  Not in the way that I really needed it to be.

So I came home and realized that I had not done a blog post and that, really, I was in no mood to write about anything.

But I pulled out my laptop, gentle readers, and powered it up.  Lying on my bed, head resting on oversized pillows, I went to Blogger determined to at least acknowledge that it was my usual day. Originally, I was just going to write something along the lines of, "Oh fuck it. I just don't feel like writing anything today. See you all next week."  Or something along those lines.

And instead, I have managed to produce this catalogue of the day's events and a description of my general malaise. 

So, there you have it, lovely people.

My Monday in a nut shell.

I don't know what's going to happen next, but it better fucking well be something good.

After today, I feel I deserve it.

And bonne nuit and bonne chance to all the lovely French visiting the site this week.