What Scares Me the Most

Tonight, I forgot the password to this blog.

I suppose I could blame it on the glass of wine I'm drinking. Or the general sense of fatigue I've been experiencing for the last two days.

Or perhaps, it's just because I'm getting older. My brain isn't functioning as efficiently as it used to do.

That scares me, gentle reader. Not the spectre of death. Dying happens. It will happen to you. It will happen to me.

No, what scares me is losing who I am. Losing my memories. Becoming some pathetic thing curled up on his side in a state hospital wearing adult diapers and not knowing what's going on from one moment to another.

Losing myself is what scares me the most. Not dying.W

Like the Best Songs Do

It's almost 7PM and I'm sitting at the kitchen table, listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees', Cities in the Dust. It's my favorite song of theirs and it takes me back to earlier days. Not necessarily better days, just earlier.

Honestly, I look back at myself in my twenties and just shake my head. I never got into Trouble (with a capital 'T'), but I did take part in some Shennanigans that I probably shouldn't talk about here, even a billion years later. Those were fun times and this song just takes me back, makes me want to dance around the kitchen table and remember old friends, like the very best song do. 

Sometimes I Fly

Sometimes, I fly

climbing into the sky

on jets of dreams

and pillars of smoky

imagination.

And that sky

that I fly to

is a wonder:

full of stars

and moons

and ringed planets,

like something from

a classic Smashing Pumpkins'

video.

And there are others there,

other dreamers,

other flyers,

riding winged giraffes

and pink zeppelins

and roaring, smoky rockets.

And we fly together,

throught that other sky,

starteling flights of 

neon birds and 

disapproving angels,

until dawn beckons

us home.

Gone but not forgotten

There's been no sign of the rodent in 24 hours, so I'm pretty sure he's gone. There aren't a lot of places he could be hiding in my bedroom, unless he's chewed his way into the sofa and is in Stealth mode inside the frame. And I think that's unlikely, because he probably would have emerged some time during the night to look for food or water. And the other doors that lead to the outside, the closet and the bath are all closed. I'm pretty sure he's gone.

But he is not forgotten. My roommate has placed a sinister looking rat trap in my closet. So, if the rodent, or, God forbid, any of his pals appear in there again, they will hopefully come to a fatal end.  

In any event, I slept in the room last night and things seemed normal. However, I didn't sleep all that well. I kept having odd dreams, waking up and going 'Huh?' or 'What the hell is that about?' all night.  As a result, I am a bit tired and grumpy today and my legs ache. I'm not sure what's going on with that.

And now, I'm going to get dressed and get on with my day.

Rat

 Last night, I was woken from my sleep by the sound of 'something.'  At first, I thought it was just the squirrels playing on the roof. But then the sounds persisted and they sounded like they were coming from inside my bedroom.

I got up and turned on the light, then proceeded to check out my room. Nothing. On a hunch, I opened my bedroom closet door and a goddamn RAT burst out of the corner. It ran through my bare feet and tried to hide in my bedroom. I pulled on some boots, grabbed a broom and hunted for the little bastard for 30 minutes. I couldn't get close enough to whack him (the little fucker was quick!), but I think I put the fear of god into him.

I popped upstairs to get the dog, and when we came back there was no sign of the rat. I did leave the bedroom door open so the little bastard might have escaped the room. But I was so damn twitchy, after hunting the thing for 30 minutes, that there was no way I was going to be able to sleep in that room that night.  I would think every sound I heard would be the rat, moving about, and I kept envisioning it climbing my bedclothes to exact its revenge. Ridiculous, I know, but I went upstairs with the dog and slept on the couch for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I told my roommate what happened. He was very blase about the whole thing. "I'll pick up some traps tonight." Afterwards, I searched the room again but still no sign of the rat. So, I'm pretty sure it made its escape when the door was open. (Hopefully.) 

I eventually crawled into bed again, and tried to get some more sleep with very mixed results.

When I come home tonight, if I hear or see the rat, I'm going to go sleep in the back of my car. And maybe start looking for a new place to live.