Satan and the Awful Cold

Hello, gentle readers.
Forgive my bluntness this afternoon, but I feel like bloody hell.
I have a cold.  I have had this cold for the last few days and every day is a horrible new, nasal experience. 
I've had this cold so long that I have now started to refer to it as The Awful Cold, to differentiate it from the run-of-the-mill colds that we all get.
It started as a cough. An annoying tickle in the back of the throat.  This began at work, and I thought it was just dust-related.
But over the next day or so the cough evolved into a croup, which is a kind of wet, mucus-filled cough. 
I started drinking orange juice, which is normally enough to put me back on track.  Alas, that did not work this time.
On the third day, it reached my nose.  I became congested, at first, and then a victim to frequent nasal thaws, where it seemed that the entire contents of my head wanted to pour either out of my nose or down my throat.
Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, if that's a bit graphic.
At the moment, the Awful Cold seems to have set up permanent residence in my nose.  I am sitting on my couch, surrounded by crumpled tissues, sipping hot water with lemon and wondering if a pact with Satan will be the only way to free myself of this blasted illness.
The fact that I've got a draft from my fireplace chilling my ankles probably isn't helping me recover any, but I've been spending far too much time in bed.  I should probably burn the sheets, as by now they must be impregnated with the Awful Cold's awful offspring.
I haven't missed work yet, which I'm thinking has not endeared me to any of my coworkers. Who wants to work around someone who spends most of the day sniffling, crouping and occasionally succumbing to bouts of violent sneezes?  I'm a walking bio-hazard zone.
I will say that I am using the anti-bacterial soap at the store a lot.  And I'm trying not to breathe on anyone when I'm assisting them with purchases.
So far, my misery is restricted to myself.
The Awful Cold seems to love only me.
Oh joy.
I'm in a relationship and its with an illness.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and refresh this cup of lemon water and I think I shall retreat upstairs.
Hopefully, the Awful Cold will succumb to boredom and move on to someone else.
Either that, or I'm going to have to buy a bunch of black candles and sacrifice a black cock to the Powers of Darkness.
What next?
Hopefully, better health.