Monday, September 29, 2014


Gentle readers, I have managed to do bugger all this week en regards to writing. So, with that in mind, today I present to you: AUTUMN.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Microwaving/Cooking with Moi!

Good afternoon, gentle readers!
A while back, I made a joke about how my next book would be a cook book, a sort of bachelor's guide to eating for one.
It was a joke, but I was surprised at the amount of positive feedback I got from people.
So, with that in mind, I've decided to take a wild leap and share a recipe with the world.
Alright then. Away we go!
* * * * *

What you'll need:
1 15 oz. can of Old El Paso Cheese Sauce (I like to use the zesty flavor!)
2 12 oz. cans of water-packed tuna (Any brand that you like.)
1 can opener
1 microwave safe bowl (Preferably ceramic because they're so much easier to clean than plastic.)
1 spoon
1 microwave (Yes, this is me padding the hell out of this list.)

What to do:
Open and drain your cans of tuna.
Layer one can of tuna in your bowl.
Add a little less than half of your Cheese Sauce.
Mix with spoon.
Microwave for 45 seconds (longer if you're microwave wattage is lower than 1100).
Remove from microwave and stir the mixture.
Add the second can of tuna to the mixture and the rest of your Cheesy Sauce.
Microwave an additional 45 seconds.
Remove and stir again.
Add additional seasoning to taste.

Here you have your 2-for-1 options.

Option 1: Eat what you've prepared as a kind of tuna cheese soup. This goes down a real treat with cut green beans on the side and a garlic roll.

Option 2: Use your concoction as a tuna cheesy sandwich spread. Serve it on thickish bread with pickle and Optional Tomato. (In my kitchen, all tomatoes are Optional Tomatoes because raw tomatoes are disgusting.)

If you choose option 2, you don't even really need to heat it up in the microwave, although, personally, I find if you heat it up it does a better job of blending the flavors.


Have ice cream afterward or a nice bit of fruit cocktail.

* * * * *

And there you have it. My first published foray into the dog-eat-dog world of cookery. The above will usually satisfy one Bachelor or two Diet Nazis.  It will not satisfy anyone who wants to eat Healthy.

What next?


Monday, September 15, 2014

The Forest

Don’t go down to the forest today,
stay where the sun is bright.
Don’t go down to the forest today,
unless you want a fright.
Dark things move in the woods today,
mischievous things at bloody play.
So don’t go down to the forest today.
stay in the good Lord’s light.

Don’t go down to the forest today,
stay in the yard, my dear.
Don’t go down to the forest today,
can’t you feel the fear?
It’s rising and roiling, bubbling and boiling,
a sinister witches brew!
So don’t go down to the forest today,
or you could go missing too.

Mary went down to the forest today,
and Jack and Johnny too.
They went down to the forest today,
what’s their poor mother to do?
They laughed at their poor mother’s fears,
by now they’re probably dead, my dears.
So don’t go down to the forest today,
or it will all end in tears.

You want to go down to the forest today,
I see it in your eyes.
You say you won’t go to the forest today,
but I can hear your lies.
How can I keep you out of harm’s way?
Safe and sound for the rest of the day?
You want to go down to the forest today,
and when you do you’ll die.

You won’t go down to the forest today,
I’ll keep you here at home.
You won’t go down to the forest again,
never away will you roam.
Your bones I’ll bury in the garden’s earth,
your soul I’ll save, for what it’s worth.
No. You won’t go down to the forest today,
or ever again, my dear.

Author's note:  This is actually a song, creepily inspired by a melody from 'The Teddy Bears' Picnic.'

Monday, September 8, 2014

What's in a name?

Good evening, gentle readers.  Pardon the lateness of this blog entry, but I've had a busy day.
I have been thinking of names.
Names? You ask. 
Yes. Names.
Specifically, the name of a new character.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the most critical decisions that you can make as a writer.  Particularly if you are writing genre fiction.
Names have power.
They define things.
They define us.
Think about it.  How could a character with a name like 'Snidely Whiplash' be anything other than a villain? 
Margaret and Gertrude are dated names, seldom used and tend to bring to mind images of plain, heavy girls with thick ankles wearing drab, ill-fitted dresses. 
You probably wouldn't find the ingenue of the latest paranormal romance named Gertrude. Would you?
No.  They're more likely to be named something vaguely exotic or unusual. Annabelle, perhaps, or Sylvia.
I think male characters are easier to name.  John and Mark bring to mind average looking guys and there's enough generational saturation of the names so that they aren't period specific. Neither are they associated with any particular trade.  At least, not in my mind.
There's a lot that goes into picking a name, as any parent can tell you.  You don't just slap a label on your child and be done with it.  If that was the case we'd let the hospitals do it.  They'd probably have a big book of names in the maternity wards and tick off gender-appropriate names as they were used.
No. Parents usually wind up giving their children names that they hope they'll grow into.
In that respect, at least, character-naming is easier.  My own characters tend to spring, fully formed, out of thin air. I know what they're about. Nine times out of ten, I know what they're going to be called. They practically name themselves.
But there's always the problem child. Always the character that's so mercurial, so alive in your head, that pinning them down with a name is a problem. 
So, you make lists. You consult baby name sites. Books of famous historical figures.  Maybe a list of gemstones or poisonous flowers.
All to find the perfect name for this one character.
And, at the end of the day, if you still haven't found the perfect name?
What do you do?
You wind up writing a blog entry about it, and hoping that tomorrow you have more luck.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Labor Day Promotion!

Hello, gentle readers!
Since it's Labor Day I've decided to give away free copies of my short story, Hellbound on the Sugar Train!

Available via my Amazon Author Page!
Hope everyone is having a happy holiday!