Story: Where Did All the People Go?

 "It was the Rapture!"

"It was aliens!"

I looked up from my copy of *Crime and Punishment* and scowled at my friends. "Could you two knock it off, already? Nobody knows why all those people vanished or how. It just happened. Can't y'all just move on already?"

Ernestine Gray sucked her teeth and sat up stiffly, toying with the long bead of pearls draped around her skinny neck.  "I don't have to move on, Alex." She glared at Jock, seated at the opposite end of the couch. "I know the truth! It was the Rapture!"

Jock Lindquist leaned forward, glowering at Ernestine. "It couldn't be the Rapture because God doesn't exist!" he bellowed. "And if he does exist, why didn't he take you along with all those people, Ernestine? You've been banging that bible of yours for as long as I've known you!"

Ernestine drew up, indignant and red-faced. "I don't need to sit here and be insulted!"

"That's fine with me," snapped Jock. "You can go back to your house and we'll talk about you while you're over there! Won't we, Alex?"

I closed my book and glowered at the two of them, skinny Ernestine in her prim white blouse and black skirt, and scruffy Jock in his coveralls and flannel shirt. They were polar opposites, had always been polar opposites and not even the Great Disappearance had changed them.

"I think both of y'all should knock it off before I toss both of you out," I declared, irritated. "I'm tired of people talking about this. It's all anyone talks about and I'm sick of it. Turn on the t.v., Jock. I heard Channel 4's back on the air."

Grumbling, Jock nevertheless leaned forward and switched on the television. The screen flickered and then resolved into a picture of a nearly naked man sitting in a plastic kiddy pool filled with lime green jello.  He was smiling at the camera and talking about the stock market.

"Good God," muttered Ernestine. "Is that Sam Blakely, the news anchor?"

"Looks like he's a Bender," grunted Jock, referring to those poor people who couldn't deal with the Great Disappearance and went right around the bend into crazy.

"It looks like he's been working out," I noted. "Damn. Does he have a six pack?"

"Eight pack," Ernestine said, then caught herself and folded her hands iin her skirted lap.

Jock and I exchanged a look, but didn't say anything. On screen, Sam Blakely was now talking about how the Vatican still hadn't chosen a new Pope.

"Is it weird that I'm more interested in the news when it's delivered like this?" I wondered aloud.

"Definitely holds your attention more," admittedJock. He picked up his beer and took a long sip.

"Except the weather," chimed in Ernestine. "That's delivered by a clown." She shuddered. "I can't stand clowns."

The news wrapped up and a rerun of *Gimme a Break* started playing.

"That's all they're showing these days," noted Jock. "Reruns. Nothing new."

"And there's no kind of pattern to what they show," fussed Ernestine. "It's like they're just picking programs out of a bag or something."

"Maybe they are." I shrugged. "I'm just glad they're on air again." I picked up my copy of *Crime & Punishment* and tossed it aside. "Means I don't have to waid through that trash any more. I'd rather watch t.v., even bad t.v., than suffer through Dostoevsky."

"Well, I have to get going," announced Ernestine, glancing at her wristwatch. "Reverand Fallwell's holding a special prayer meeting this evening and I said I'd bring potato salad for the potluck afterward."

"I got to go too," grumbled Jock, standing with a grunt. "Got to get up early tomorrow for work. Mister Kester's going out to Wimbly Wood to try and net his mother-in-law."

"Is that poor woman still running wild in those woods?" asked Ernestine, clutching her pearls.

Jock nodded. "Yep. He says she's real spry for a lady in her sixties. And there's a bunch of other Benders out there with her, running naked and wild in the woods." He shook his head. "Crazy as a bag of trout."

"So you're going to be in charge of the garage this weekend?" I asked.

"Sure am," preened Jock. He grinned. "Y'all come on by and I'll give you a free oil change."

"I'm not sure that's right," murmured Ernestine.

"I'll be there at noon," I said, firmly. "What?" I asked under Ernestine's disapproving smile. "It's a freeby! You don't turn down free stuff, Ernestine.  That's just common sense."

"Well," sniffed Ernestine, touching her helmet-like black hair. "I think it's clear to see why the two of you didn't get Raptured."

"It wasn't the Rapture!" argued Jock.

I walked them to the front door. "I agree. It wasn't the Rapture."

Jock spun in the doorway, a look of righteous delight in his eyes. "Then you think it was aliens too!"

"Hogwash." I said. "It was time travelers."

Then I closed the door on their startled faces, went back and settled in to watch *Gimme a Break*, chuckling to myself.