Rat

 Last night, I was woken from my sleep by the sound of 'something.'  At first, I thought it was just the squirrels playing on the roof. But then the sounds persisted and they sounded like they were coming from inside my bedroom.

I got up and turned on the light, then proceeded to check out my room. Nothing. On a hunch, I opened my bedroom closet door and a goddamn RAT burst out of the corner. It ran through my bare feet and tried to hide in my bedroom. I pulled on some boots, grabbed a broom and hunted for the little bastard for 30 minutes. I couldn't get close enough to whack him (the little fucker was quick!), but I think I put the fear of god into him.

I popped upstairs to get the dog, and when we came back there was no sign of the rat. I did leave the bedroom door open so the little bastard might have escaped the room. But I was so damn twitchy, after hunting the thing for 30 minutes, that there was no way I was going to be able to sleep in that room that night.  I would think every sound I heard would be the rat, moving about, and I kept envisioning it climbing my bedclothes to exact its revenge. Ridiculous, I know, but I went upstairs with the dog and slept on the couch for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I told my roommate what happened. He was very blase about the whole thing. "I'll pick up some traps tonight." Afterwards, I searched the room again but still no sign of the rat. So, I'm pretty sure it made its escape when the door was open. (Hopefully.) 

I eventually crawled into bed again, and tried to get some more sleep with very mixed results.

When I come home tonight, if I hear or see the rat, I'm going to go sleep in the back of my car. And maybe start looking for a new place to live.

Sick Day

Bit sick today. A touch of stomach flu I think. Stayed home from work because I was up this morning puking my guts out. Lovely. 

Feeling a lot better now. Been drinking water as if it's about to run out and just finished some saltines and pedialyte.  Think I'm good enough to go to work tomorrow.

*fingers crossed*

What do you want? What do you need?

When we're children, we're often asked by adults what we want to be when we're grown up? The usual answer is some kind of profession. Fireman. Policeman. Soldier. Doctor. Dancer.

If someone asked me that question today, I don't know how I would answer it.

What do you want to be?

I don't know. Rich? Happy? Powerful? Younger? Healthier? Slimmer? Hairier?

You'll note that no profession entered into my answer. Because a job is not a goal. A job is a means to a goal. And I think everyone's goal should be something more intangible than physical.

I would like to be rich. A million dollars would suit me just fine.

I would like to be happy. Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm happy, just 'content.' Not the same thing.

I would like to be powerful. As in, I would like my voice to carry real weight with the world at large.

I would like to be younger. If I could turn back my personal odometer, I'd set it so my body is 23 and my mind is unaffected. (Oh the trouble I could get into!)

I would like to be healtheir. I'm doing okay, but there's always room for improvement en regards to health. Right?

I would like to be slimmer. Because I'm a bit vain and I think it would be nice not to have to struggle to find clothes that fit. I've come a long way in the last few years, but my weird girth can still be challenging.

I would like to have more hair. Again, this is all about vanity. I started to lose my hair when I was in my teens and now, well, throw me in a cassock and I could probably pass for a monk of some type. At least, in appearance. So it would be lovely to have a full head of thick, black hair again.

But, these are just things that I want. They aren't things that I actually need.

So, what do you need?

That's a good question and, beyond the obvious stuff like food, shelter, etc. I don't really know.

I suppose I should give it some thought.

The Perils of Tsundoku

The problem, when you finish reading one book, is that you must choose a new one to start. For most people that isn't a problem, but I, alas, am a victim/practicioner of tsundoku.  For those of you who don't know what that is, it's the practice of acquiring and stacking books that you intend to read at some future point.

I have several stacks of books, scattered about my bedroom. And I have absolutely no idea what to read next.

The current candidates are:

Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior by Chogyam Trungpa

The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi

and Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman.

Any suggestions as to which to read next?

Nomadlife

 I just finished reading Nomadland by Jessica Bruder. I tried watching the movie, but the pace was fucking glacial and I got bored. So, while I was out the other day, I bought a copy of the book.

And you know what?  The book is better.

Shocker! Right?

Heh.

Anyway, the book is very interesting. In case you don't know, Jessica Bruder is a journalist who reports on the various subcultures in American society. In Nomadlife she focuses on the vanlifers, people who have chosen to live in vans and cars, to escape the crushing debt of 21st century life. Most of the people that Bruder interviewed and focused on were senior citizens, who seem to have lost everything through bad luck and the accumulation of debt. She focuses predominantly on the story of a woman named Linda May, who is in her sixties, when she becomes a vandweller.

I'll admit that this wasn't my first exposure to the whole vanlife experience. I know who Bill Wells is and I've seen younger vanlifers posting trendy videos on YouTube. Also, vanlife videos tend to get lumped in with the 'tiny house dwellers' in YouTube algorithm. Start looking at tiny houses and you'll eventually come across a video of someone living in their van.

Bruder's book, however, is a lot more honest than most of the videos. You get a strong sense that the people she's interviewed don't see themselves as victims. They see themselves as hacking the system, getting out of a rigged game that they just don't want to play any more. The vanlifers on YT are younge people who seem less genuine, in comparison, and more slick with their sponsored ads and curated content. More affected. Less real.

Overall, I'd recommend Nomadlife. It was a good read and I learned things that I did not know before I picked it up. It's scraped away a lot of the romanticism of living life in a vehicle, while portraying its interviewees, not as victims, but matter-of-fact pragmatists.