Porn?

Hello, gentle readers. Once again, I seem to be running on empty, in regards to creative juices. I can always tell when my reserves are low. There are warning signs.
When I wander through bookstores, I inevitably find myself at the writing reference section perusing titles like How to Write a Best-Sell in 24 Hours! Or 1000 Plot Twists Guaranteed to Shock!
I start to actively avoid working on anything. When I sit at the computer, I’ll find myself reading webcomics or entering random search terms in Google to see what pops up in the Image filter.
The biggest, most inescapable sign of all, though, that I’m running on fumes is that everything I try to write will turn into porn. Formerly respectable characters shed their clothes at the first opportunity. I use words like ‘tumescent’ and ‘throbbing.’ Suddenly, there are ‘slick orifices’ and ‘nimble tongues’ everywhere.
Sometimes, I’m tempted to just give in and write the porn all the way out to its inevitable conclusion. Usually, though, I lose interest. Florence King said it best, I think: "There’s only so many ways you can describe peeling a boiled egg."
Lately, though, I’ve been wondering if any other authors had this same reaction. I find it terribly amusing to picture Jane Austen bent over a writing desk, scribbling away by lamplight, writing smut involving Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Just thinking about it now makes me chuckle.
So it’s a bit ironic that I read an article recently about a growing trend among small publishers to eroticize public domain classics. Yes, gentle readers, sometime soon, as you’re wandering through your local bookstore, or browsing online, you may come across ‘erotic’ versions of the classics. No doubt they will have such inventive names as Sin & Sensibility and Mansfield’s Part. Perhaps some burgeoning creative soul will produce The Confessions of Heathcliff.
Whoever does tackle these subjects, they’re welcome to them. Personally, I don’t think there’s much of a market for that type of thing. The publishers behind this, I suspect, are hoping to mirror the success of the Classics With Monster trend that seems to have petered out lately.
As for me? I shall have my characters keep their clothes very firmly on.
At least, I’ll try.
Unless naked frolicking is essential to the story.
Honest.