Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Food! Glorious food!

Good afternoon, gentle readers!
Sorry I've been away for a while, but I'm back now and I want to talk about something near and dear to my heart: food.
I love food.
I love potato chips and snack crackers, boiled eggs and pimento cheese, roast chicken and mashed potatoes with all the fixings.
Unfortunately, as a writer, I tend to nibble as I write. Or try to write. Or just stare blankly at the laptop's screen.
One of the reasons I hate touchscreens with a passion is because I eat Cheetos when I'm on the computer.  Have you ever tried to read a computer screen covered in streaks of orange Cheeto-dust?
And, because these are snack foods, they probably aren't the healthiest things in the world.
So, I try not to snack when on the computer.
I have some success because I compromise by having supper as I log onto the Internet.
And even though a supper of Cheez-Its and hot dogs might taste great, in the long run, it's just not that great for you.
Lately, gentle readers, I have porked up.  For those of you overseas unfamiliar with American vernacular, that means I've gotten a bit fat.
I can tell by the way my clothes fit, by the tightness in my belt.  When summer started it was actually loose but in the last month or so I've been eating a lot of junky food.
So, I've gained weight.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I have to lose it.
Which means considering food options and, more important, food habits.
We are all creatures of habit. If you grab a bag of chips when you sit down to bingewatch Daredevil on Netflix, you and I both know that you're probably not going to stop doing it.  So, instead, grab something healthier.  Apple chips are nice.  Salt-free pretzels work too if you can find them.  Whatever you do, don't try to substitute celery, because celery is just gross and I don't know anyone who actually enjoys eating it.
And, then, of course, there's the question of what to eat in the first place? What kind of diet do you want to follow? What sort of diet can you actually follow without feeling completely deprived?
Usually, a low fat diet works for me. As a convenience eater, the only cooking appliance I tend to use is the microwave.  If it can't be microwaved, I'm not going to eat it.  (Don't judge. I'm single.)
The low-fat diet I usually follow lets me use a lot of the same brand names I like and trust, it just limits my selection. I wind up eating a lot more veggies too.  Stuff like green beans and potatoes.
I tried going vegetarian once.  It lasted about two days before I went berserk and scarfed down an entire Pizza Hut large Meat Lovers Pizza by myself.  In less than 30 minutes.
So, a vegetarian diet isn't for yours truly.  In addition to the fact that you have to eat an entire freaking field of cabbage to maintain your calories, there's also a nifty little item called 'cost' to consider.
All those people out there pushing you to eat vegan or organic or 'real food' are making more than minimum wage.  I suspect they also have chefs.
So I'm going to buy what I can afford, that's healthier than what I'm currently eating and that's going to be quick to prepare. Tonight, for example, I'm experimenting with a low carb dinner of kielbasa with a broccoli/carrot/bean sprout stir fry, liberally smothered in shredded cheese.  Also, boiled eggs.
I tried Adkins once and lasted about as long as I did on the vegetarian diet.  After two days, I was ready to stab somebody for a fruit cup.
So, while you're sitting there, cranking out the next International Best Seller, do yourself a favor. Put away the bowl of chips and go find something nicer.
You'll probably thank me in the morning.

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