The Ballad of the Mary McNair

THE BALLAD OF THE MARY MCNAIR

‘Twas a fine clear day
On I-26!
I was heading eastbound,
When I got in this fix.

Because looming behind me,
From out of nowhere,
Hove the great pirate auto,
the Mary McNair!

She raced down the road
On a dozen black wheels!
A gigantic, fantastic
dread automobile!

Loaded with pirates
And armed to the teeth!
She rolled over cars,
Crushing them underneath!

I saw her approaching,
And uttered a prayer,
That I wouldn’t be killed,
By the Mary McNair!

I took the next exit,
Intending to flee,
But the Mary McNair
turned off after me!

Terror did seize me,
Right then and right there!
That was the moment,
snow-white turned my hair!

Flooring the gas,
I turned left and turned right!
But that dread pirate vehicle
Stayed in my sights!

I began to lose hope,
I began to despair,
Knowing I could not shake
the Mary McNair!

In a moment of gloom,
resigned to my fate,
I drove off the road,
put my foot on the brake.

I sat in my car,
Convinced I was done.
Wondering where are the cops
When you really need one?

The Mary McNair,
She screeched to a stop,
And her hatches popped open,
from bottom to top.

When the pirates emerged,
I could do nothing but stare,
Every one was a woman
All pretty and fair!

Brandishing cutlasses,
pistols and pins,
They forced me to their vessel,
And pushed me within.

Stripped to my socks,
I was tied to a bed
Where I started to think,
I might not end up dead.

"We’ll use you, then loose you,"
the pirate-ladies did say.
"But if you can please us,
we might let you stay!"

I can honestly tell
It was my pleasure and joy
To serve all those ladies
As their cabin boy toy.

True to their word,
They loosed me the next day,
In spite of my pleading
to please let me stay!

So gather round laddies,
Pay heed to my tale,
If you see that black auto
Be hardy and hale!

And if they pursue you,
No need to beware,
You won’t regret being boarded
by the Mary McNair!

It’s a fine clear day
on I-26...